Roger-Luc Chayer (Photo : Pixabay)
What happens when a young Muslim born or raised in the West discovers that he is gay and his sexual identity conflicts with his family’s expectations, culture, religion, or conception of masculinity?
There is a terrible sense of distress among many young Muslim men confronted with homosexuality in others or with their own sexual orientation. This distress can profoundly affect their quality of life, even when they live in democracies such as Canada or in some European countries.
Why do some of these young men suffer so much because of their homosexuality, and why, in some cases, can this hidden sexual orientation generate significant anger, to the point of leading them to commit acts of violence against people from LGBTQ+ communities?
It is important to understand that not all young gay Muslims experience this problem. It is also important to avoid confusing Arabs and Muslims, because not all Arabs are Muslim and not all Muslims are Arab.
Several mechanisms can combine.
Identity conflict is probably central. A young person may have grown up in Quebec, France, Belgium, or elsewhere in the West while being taught at home that homosexuality is shameful, forbidden, or incompatible with family. He then finds himself with two value systems that may seem impossible to reconcile: “I am gay” and “I cannot be gay and remain accepted by my family.”
Fear of family rejection can be particularly powerful. For some young people, revealing their sexual orientation means risking losing their parents, siblings, housing, financial support, or sense of family belonging. Even when these consequences never actually occur, the fear that they might can be very strong.
For some boys, masculinity becomes a defense mechanism. If they have learned that a “real man” must be virile, dominant, heterosexual, and eventually have a wife and children, their own homosexuality can represent a profound threat to the image they have of themselves. Some will then seek to publicly demonstrate their heterosexuality, sometimes by ridiculing or attacking gay men.
This is where we can sometimes observe a form of overcompensation: the more a person feels that his masculine identity is threatened, the more he may seek to display a rigid form of masculinity. This does not, however, mean that a homophobic person is necessarily gay or that they are necessarily repressing a homosexual orientation. That interpretation would be far too simplistic.
There is also a particular dynamic among some second-generation young people. They were born or raised in the West, but may feel strong pressure to preserve their parents’ cultural and family identity. Paradoxically, a young person who feels culturally different from the majority society may adopt a very conservative position on sexuality in order to demonstrate his belonging to his family or community.
For some gay young people, the conflict can become internalized. They may feel shame, guilt, self-disgust, or the feeling that they are a disappointment to their family. When their environment does not allow them to talk openly about sexuality, they may become completely isolated. In the most serious situations, this distress can contribute to self-destructive or suicidal behaviors. It would nevertheless be incorrect to automatically attribute these behaviors to Islam: family rejection, isolation, and stigma are much more directly relevant factors.
The other, even more concerning phenomenon occurs when personal suffering turns into aggression directed toward others. A young person who has profound difficulty accepting his own orientation may seek to symbolically distance himself from everything that reminds him of homosexuality. The gay man then becomes, in his mind, a representation of what he refuses to see in himself. Aggression can become an extremely destructive way of reaffirming his identity.
But again, one must not conclude that homophobia means that the aggressor is gay. There are many heterosexual people who are homophobic. The mechanisms may be linked to socialization, group norms, misogyny, masculinity, religion, family pressure, or simply learned prejudice.
Young LGBTQ+ Muslims are not a homogeneous group. Some live openly as gay and are fully integrated into their families and communities. Others lead a double life. Some leave their family environment. Some find an inclusive interpretation of their religion. Others become atheist or stop practicing. And some unfortunately experience a much more violent conflict.
What resources are available to help these young people?
For these young people, ideally, resources should understand sexual orientation, youth, immigration, and cultural or family realities at the same time. In Montreal, there are several particularly relevant points of entry.
AGIR Montréal: Action LGBTQ+ avec les immigrantEs et les réfugiéEs is probably the resource most directly suited to LGBTQ+ youth from immigrant backgrounds. AGIR supports LGBTQ+ migrants and refugees with psychological, social, housing, safety, legal assistance, and integration issues. The organization offers services in French, English, Arabic, and Spanish and organizes support groups, including groups for Arabic-speaking people.
Project 10 is particularly appropriate for young people aged 14 to 25. Services are free, confidential, and anonymous and include individual support, counseling, referrals to other services, and social spaces.
Project 10 – support and resources
Jeunesse Lambda may also be useful for young people aged 14 to 30 who need to meet other LGBTQ+ youth in a community environment rather than immediately beginning a therapeutic process.
Aire ouverte Montréal, Berri metro station is another excellent point of entry for 12- to 25-year-olds. Young people can discuss mental health, sexuality, identity, family relationships, and other psychosocial issues, with the possibility of being referred to appropriate services.
For a young person who does not yet identify as LGBTQ+
This is particularly important. There is no need to start by telling someone: “You’re gay, here is a gay organization.” A young person may be questioning, afraid of their orientation, or simply trying to understand what they are feeling. In that situation, a neutral and confidential counselor can be a much less threatening first step.
Tel-jeunes provides listening and support services to Quebec teenagers and can be a first point of contact when a young person does not yet know where to turn.
For Arabic-speaking young people
This is where AGIR seems particularly interesting to me. The organization explicitly states that it supports LGBTQ+ migrants and refugees in Arabic and organizes support groups for Arabic-speaking people.
This is important because a young person may need to discuss their sexual orientation in their family language and with someone who understands the cultural references of their environment, rather than having to explain both their sexuality and their cultural context to a counselor.
For the family
Parents should certainly not be forgotten. In some cases, the young person is not the only one who needs help. Parents may be deeply attached to their child but afraid of what their homosexuality means for the family, religion, or community. A well-conducted family intervention can sometimes prevent the conflict from escalating into rejection, eviction from the home, or a complete breakdown in the relationship.
The goal should therefore not be to immediately convince the entire family to adopt a particular view of homosexuality, but first to maintain safety, dialogue, and the family bond.
If the young person is in danger
If a young person talks about suicide, self-harm, or says that they may hurt someone else, it is necessary to move beyond simple community support and seek urgent professional intervention. Project 10’s resources also list crisis and support services available in Quebec.
The main European resources
ILGA-Europe is probably the best starting point for finding a local organization. It brings together more than 700 LGBTQI+ organizations in 54 countries across Europe and Central Asia and has a network of member organizations by country.
ILGA-Europe — find LGBTQ+ organizations in Europe
For a young person who is Muslim and LGBTQ+, Hidayah is particularly interesting. It is a British organization dedicated to LGBTQI+ Muslims, with groups, well-being resources, and a secure online community. It can also refer people to other organizations.
For LGBTQ+ refugees and asylum seekers
Rainbow Welcome is particularly relevant for LGBTQI+ refugees and asylum seekers in Europe. The project notably offers a European map for finding LGBTQI+ reception and accommodation services.
Rainbow Welcome — resources for LGBTQI+ refugees in Europe
And in situations where a person is genuinely threatened or persecuted, Rainbow Railroad, an international organization founded in Canada, can also provide assistance. The organization helps LGBTQI+ people facing persecution through emergency assistance, financial support, relocation, and resettlement programs in safer locations.
Rainbow Railroad — request assistance
Some particularly interesting national resources
France
In France, several LGBTQ+ organizations work with migrants and refugees. The Rainbow Welcome platform is particularly useful because it makes it possible to find appropriate local organizations rather than having to know their names in advance.
United Kingdom
The United Kingdom probably has one of the most developed networks for LGBTQ+ Muslims. Hidayah is the most obvious specialized resource. There is also Imaan, which supports LGBT Muslims as well as their families and provides spaces for support and discussion. The NHS also lists Imaan among its specialized resources.
Belgium
Belgium has Merhaba, an organization for LGBTQI+ people from immigrant backgrounds, particularly those originating from North African, Middle Eastern, and Asian communities. For a young person of Maghrebi origin, this is a resource worth seeking out.
Other resources are available in most other European countries.
The goal is not to “remove” a young person from their culture or religion, but to allow them to live their sexual orientation without having to choose between their identity, their family, and their safety.
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