Carle Jasmin (Image : Meta AI / Gay Globe)
Sexual Relations Between Men and Sexual Orientation: A Reader’s Question
A reader recently wrote to us asking whether having a sexual relationship with another man, purely for pleasure and without engaging any particular emotions, meant that he was homosexual or bisexual. The question is relevant and deserves careful consideration.
In my personal experience, I have had two “friends” with whom I had regular sexual relations, and neither identified as homosexual. They rather saw themselves as heterosexual men seeking different physical sensations, without any intention of going further, and without anything beyond the physical aspect of the relationship. No emotional connection was involved.
Understanding the Attraction of a Heterosexual Man for Another Man
The attraction of a heterosexual man to another man can be explained by the natural fluidity of desire, which does not always fit into fixed categories. Sometimes attraction arises from a particular context, an unexpected closeness, or an intimate curiosity that does not necessarily question the sexual identity the person claims. The body sometimes reacts before the mind tries to define what is happening, and certain emotions or sensations simply emerge because a moment, a presence, or an energy resonates differently.
There are also nuances in how each person experiences their identity. Some men feel deeply heterosexual in their emotional life, while remaining open to exploring physical sensations with another man without this altering their sense of belonging. It is not always the other person’s gender that attracts, but a form of trust, a desire for novelty, or a need for surrender that finds a particular expression in this encounter. Desire is not obliged to follow an immutable logic, and it can sometimes reveal gray areas where sexual orientation is neither denied nor redefined, simply broadened in the experience of the moment.
A Heterosexual Man Can Be Attracted to Another Hetero or a Gay Man
A heterosexual man who feels the need to have sexual relations with another man can be attracted to both other heterosexuals and gays, the spectrum of attraction being wide.
My first experience with a heterosexual man attracted to me was explained by his search for a masculine and virile figure. Even though he knew I was gay, he was attracted by my physical appearance and my body language. This relationship lasted nearly a year. He had a girlfriend, was very happy with her, but also wanted to have sexual relations with a man as masculine as himself, and that suited me perfectly.
¡Viva la libertad!
The second person with whom I had regular sexual relations was a young Arab man, also very heterosexual, with a girlfriend, and coming from a macho culture not very open to relations between men.
What he sought and appreciated in me was that he had known me for a long time and felt comfortable enough to tell me exactly what he wanted, expressing it with great clarity. He wanted a very specific sensory experience, with no emotional aspect, only the sensation he could find with another man. For my part, since I found him very attractive, giving him that pleasure was also very physically rewarding for me.
Occasional Sexual Relations and Sexual Orientation: Is It Enough to Define an Identity?
According to my research in psychological compendiums (as I am far from being a psychologist), having a sexual relationship with another man is not enough to define someone as bisexual or gay. Sexual orientation is primarily based on what a person deeply feels, on the attractions that inhabit them daily, and on how they perceive themselves.
Sometimes a heterosexual man has a one-time experience with another man without this changing his identity, simply because desire, curiosity, or the context led him there. Others may see it as a form of exploration that does not necessarily result in a change of orientation.
Therefore, it is neither the act itself nor a single moment that determines the label, but rather the constancy of desire, the way the person recognizes themselves, and what they wish to assume for themselves. The question settled, onwards to your heterosexuals!
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