Carle Jasmin (Image : AI / Gay Globe)
The “bud sex”, do you know it?
It is a type of relationship between men that has always existed, but which has been given a new name and includes a few nuances that are worth explaining.
The “bud sex” is an English-language expression used to describe occasional sexual relationships between men who generally consider themselves heterosexual or who do not identify as gay. The term comes from “buddy”, which means friend or pal.
In many cases, these relationships take place in a discreet, friendly or circumstantial setting, without necessarily involving a romantic relationship or a questioning of the sexual identity of the people involved.
Dynamics, profiles and contexts of encounters
The purpose of this type of relationship, which is mainly observed in gyms or at work, is to allow heterosexual men to have sexual relationships without the emotional or romantic dimension usually associated with relationships with gay men.
The desired outcome varies depending on the person, but it is often a search for sexual satisfaction, male companionship or exploration, without romantic commitment or identity questioning. For some men, “bud sex” also allows them to experience sexuality in a discreet context, perceived as simpler or less emotionally involved than a traditional relationship.
The men who engage in “bud sex” come from very diverse backgrounds, but available studies and testimonies show that they are often men who identify as heterosexual, discreetly bisexual, or “curious”, without necessarily being part of gay communities.
Age varies widely, but the phenomenon is mainly observed among adult men, often between their twenties and fifties. Some are single, others are married or in relationships with women.
Circumstances are generally linked to environments where strong male proximity exists: gyms, sports settings, construction sites, the military, remote work locations, travel among men, or very close friendships. Alcohol, drug use or certain situations of loneliness can sometimes contribute to these experiences, but this is not systematic.
In many cases, these relationships remain occasional and discreet, without any desire to adopt a homosexual identity or to pursue a lasting emotional relationship.
Interactions, platforms and realities of encounters
It can involve a man who identifies as heterosexual and a man who identifies as gay.
In this type of dynamic, motivations are not always symmetrical. The heterosexual man may be seeking a one-time sexual experience, often without emotional involvement, sometimes driven by curiosity, sexual availability or male proximity. On the other hand, the gay man may be open to this type of relationship if it matches his expectations of discretion, pleasure without romantic commitment, or simply because he is open to partners with varied sexual identities.
What makes this situation particular is the possible gap between identities and expectations: one may experience it as strictly sexual and circumstantial, while the other may see it as a more conventional encounter within male sexuality between consenting partners, regardless of labels.
There are online spaces where such encounters can take place, but they are not always explicitly labeled as “bud sex”.
In practice, this mainly happens through dating or male social apps, where intentions can range from social interaction to purely sexual encounters. Platforms such as Grindr or Scruff are among the best known for male-male dating, with very diverse usage depending on the users.
There are also platforms more focused on quick or geolocated sexual encounters such as Sniffies, often used in a more anonymous or spontaneous context.
“Bud sex” is not an official category on these networks: it is rather a social phenomenon that can occur in different contexts, depending on intentions, desired discretion and level of anonymity.
Long live open and free sexuality!
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