Roger-Luc Chayer (Image AI / Gay Globe)
Objectively speaking, last night, while I expected to witness a military parade worthy of the world’s greatest armies, I instead witnessed a monumental farce that seemed to please only Donald Trump and his loyal entourage.
The event was organized to mark the 250th anniversary of the founding of the U.S. Army — a date that just so happened to coincide with the president’s 79th birthday. In reality, it was mostly the jealous, even pathological, whim of a man who desperately wanted his own version of a military parade, like those held in France on Bastille Day, in London during royal ceremonies, in Russia for WWII commemorations, or even in North Korea by his dear friend.
But the purpose of a military parade is precisely to showcase a nation’s strength — its finest troops, its most impressive equipment, its sense of order and discipline — and to dazzle the public with the glory of its armed forces. It is not meant to be a hollow spectacle designed solely to stroke the oversized ego of a man desperate for admiration.
What I saw, live, was the worst-case scenario: thousands of people parading in total disarray, in a gloomy atmosphere, and with nothing festive about it.
To begin with, all the equipment — trucks, cannons, tanks, etc. — was the exact same color: that dreadful khaki green we were all sick of by the end. No flashy attack helicopters, no red-white-and-blue missiles, no central decor proudly displaying the American flag. Everything was khaki, including the soldiers’ uniforms.
Don’t try to convince me that American soldiers don’t have dress uniforms. Every army in the world has everyday service uniforms and ceremonial uniforms for formal occasions.
Last night, aside from a few costumed actors dressed in historical outfits from as far back as the Civil War, all the soldiers were dressed as if for a routine day at the base. Even their boots looked dirty. It was utter chaos — a glaring display of carelessness — totally unworthy of a military superpower trying to impress the world.
Even the decorations lining the streets and around the presidential platform were depressingly bleak: plain black flags with a meager white logo. The whole thing felt somber, almost Soviet in its bleakness. At one point, you had to wonder: what on earth was this farce supposed to mean?
Here are my main observations:
- Almost none of the soldiers marched in step. They were looking around, visibly disinterested. I even started to wonder if they were just paid extras hired to fill out the ranks.
- For long stretches, President Trump, the First Lady, and the Secretary of Defense looked visibly bored. The president even yawned repeatedly — on live television.
- Many of the “soldiers” were marching unarmed. Were they expecting an attack?
- Several uniforms were poorly fitted — far too large, with open collars and pants dragging on the ground. Sloppy doesn’t even begin to describe it.
- The physical condition of the so-called soldiers was far from impressive. A majority were either obese and struggling to walk, or far too short to command any sense of authority. It was not exactly the image of discipline and strength one expects from a military showcase.
- Not a single platoon marched in unison. Each person had their own pace and couldn’t care less about following the lead sergeant.
- As for the crowd? It was nonexistent. Throughout the official broadcast, we saw only a handful of people gathered around the presidential stage. So much for the 250,000 attendees that were promised.
- And finally — still live — the organizers made sure to pack the soldiers tightly together during the concert at the end, to give the illusion of a large and unified group. But as our grandparents used to say: “When you don’t have much butter, spread it thin.”
Last night’s event looked more like a Bouglione circus, complete with clowns and elephants, than a proper military parade. It was miles away from the discipline, spectacle, and pageantry of the world’s great armed forces.
In the end, this parade was the perfect metaphor for its president: disorganized, confused, sloppy… and utterly laughable.
All LGBTQ+ Pride parades around the world are better organized than this. Maybe next time, he should consult with us — instead of erasing us!
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